Fuck Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day, and that date had significance for me and my refuser.

The first time we ever had sex was Valentine’s Day 2002.

The day when I finally had to admit to myself that something had gone wrong for us was Valentine’s Day 2013.

So, I’m feeling kind of low today.

I think the thing that hurt the most was that I was expected to be OK with the idea that the love and sex part of my life was over forever.

Taking it away from me was bad, but understandable. But that was a huge loss for me. I needed to mourn that loss, and I wasn’t allowed to.

Most people out there in the world, who are blissfully ignorant of SM, wouldn’t understand anyway; so it doesn’t hurt that much that they would have thought I was weird if I let the pain show.

But my refuser didn’t want to let me mourn that loss. And that I find totally unreasonable.


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Born, went to school, went to work, will die someday. Fluent in English, sarcasm, and profanity. Open-minded skeptic, INTP in the Myers-Briggs, 5-Investigator (or Observer) in the Enneagram, Sagittarius in astrology, Pitta/Kapha in the Ayurvedic system. Likes: Music, books, reading, paid time off from work. Dislikes: Authoritarians, micromanagement, illogic, and asparagus.

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