I was having a conversation with Jim44444 a few days ago, about my refuser. For those who don’t know, my refuser goes through periods of extreme depression (to the point where I’m worried about him – there have been suicides in his family.)
He’s least depressed when I’m with him. But we never do anything that I couldn’t do with my brother, or a platonic friend. So if this goes on too long, I get depressed.
Anyway – long story short – his depression is one of the reasons I have trouble completely ending things.
Jim’s opinion was that my love for my refuser hasn’t gone away; it has morphed into a different kind of love. And I realized that is true.
I may be one of the rare women who can love more than one man at a time. I’m presently feeling the lack of a rougher, hungrier, more intense kind of love than I have with my refuser. Regardless – it’s still almost impossible for me to hurt him.
Jim’s remark reminded me of this blog entry from last year, so I’ve brought it back and dusted it off.
JennaR asked a question – “Love never dies – true or false?” Another one that I answered where she posted it – but I feel like it deserves its own forum.
I will reply from my own experience – that’s really the only source I can cite with authority.
It can take me a long, long time to come to love somebody – or to realize I love somebody. But once I do – I never stop loving them. Ever.
Do I get angry at people I love? All the time. I’m human, and so are they. But I get over it – usually fairly soon. I might rant, but then it’s out of my system and the anger is gone. And over the years, I think I’ve learned to choose my words, be aware of the right times and the right places, consider the effect of my words on other people, etc.
But my anger doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Au contraire – if I don’t care enough to get angry, then I don’t love you.
And the same is true for my jealousy, my hurt feelings, my fear, and all the other not-so-nice feelings I have because I’m a human being.
My love for a person is like the ocean. It’s eternal. My feelings are like storms at sea. They’re temporary.
And there are so many kinds of love. I love my parents. I love my pets. I love my best female friends. I have loved some men.
If you dump me, I’ll still love you. But after I’m through being angry, jealous, hurt, etc., my love will turn into a different kind of love. It may take a long time – but eventually, it will.
When I was in my early 20s, the guy I thought I would marry dumped me. And my emotions about the whole thing felt horrible.
But I did get over it. I met other men, fell in love again, married someone else, got divorced, etc.
And when I heard my former fiancé had gotten married, I was able to wish him well.
Then, a couple of months ago, he told me via Facebook that he was getting divorced. And I was able to be honestly sad for him.
And when he sounded like he was trying to rekindle things with me, I was able to kindly and gracefully discourage him.
I still love him, but not at all in the same way I used to. And that’s okay.
That love is still in the ocean – time has just shifted it into a different current now.
Posted by SmartKat at 09:17 on June 17th, 2014 at 9:17AM (updated Jun 17th, 2014)
1-1 of 1 Comments
Posted on 07:15PM on Jul 1st, 2014
I agree SK. Love comes in many varieties. Good blog 🙂