Bah humbug on Valentine’s Day

Fuck Valentines Day up the ass with a splintery flagpole.

Those of you who have known me a while might remember that V Day last year [2013] was my tipping point. It was the incident (well, non-incident) that made me realize how unhappy I am in my  low-sex/no-sex relationship.

What happened last year on V Day? Nothing happened. Well, we ate out, and that was nice – but we eat out a lot. I suspect he’s trying to substitute dinners out and occasional presents for wanting me.

I was really crushed – I spent the whole day crying on Feb. 15.

This year, I don’t expect anything better. I’m feeling kind of angry and resentful at him right now, and I’m pretty sure it’s because I know our V Day will be totally G rated.

I bought him a card, but that’s it. And it’s not even a romantic or sexy card. Why should I give him what he doesn’t want to give me ?

In my fantasies, a handsome, intelligent, sexy man will take me to a nice hotel for V Day.

Probably in his fantasies, he and some non-sexual woman will sit together on the couch in front of the TV.

Posted by SmartKat at 20:11 on February 11th, 2014 at 8:11PM 2 Comments

Petrushka

Posted on 07:05AM on May 13th, 2014

Actually, Kat, bah humbug on any freakin’ ~day. It first came home to me when, as a 20 year old, I had fled my insane parental house and was flatting with a couple of guys … and there was X-mess (as I mentally spell it) – and what happens X-mess?  People who hate each other’s rotten guts for 362 days in the year attempt to play ‘happy family’ and ‘blood is thicker than water’ and it ends in drunken whatnots and more animosity for the next 362 days …. the incidence of family violence rises steeply during X-mess I found out as a student of social sciences … and I saw the lonely ones shed tears into their beers on this day when, normally, they would not and I ask myself why THIS freakin’ day? The sun rose, moved overhead, and set. Nothing’s different from any other day, except for the sentimentality meme.

So, ever since, I’ve refused in my mind to cave. It’s just another day. Oh, I send people a nice note or give them flowers or whatever when I know it might make them feel good, but in my mind it is much more important to make them feel good for the other 364 days in the year as well … and vice versa.

Yes, bah humbug. Scrooge, in that way, the brother of my soul. I expect intimacy and consideration and loving glances and touches _every_ day, thank you very much. Not because there’s a certain number on the calendar. Spintery flagpole
etcetera, indeed!

You and I, we need to get “our ashes hauled”, completely irrespective of any-bloody-thing else. I haven’t done anything about it yet, I’m too picky, and suffer from a pronounced lack of trust these days, but I’m looking …and if the chance presents itself, I’ll let the big hairy beast out of its cage. (reference to some old ladies in a Terry Pratchett novel discussing what droit de seigneur might mean).

SmartKat

Posted on 11:15PM on May 13th, 2014
I hear ya. I need it….I want it. And yet, I’m afraid of getting hurt. Trust issues, like you said.

I wish I felt safe to just let go and love someone with all my heart. But the last time I did that, it was my refuser. Who has turned into a refuser.

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SmartKat

Born, went to school, went to work, will die someday. Fluent in English, sarcasm, and profanity. Open-minded skeptic, INTP in the Myers-Briggs, 5-Investigator (or Observer) in the Enneagram, Sagittarius in astrology, Pitta/Kapha in the Ayurvedic system. Likes: Music, books, reading, paid time off from work. Dislikes: Authoritarians, micromanagement, illogic, and asparagus.

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