To be or not to be…the Other Woman

To be or not to be – the other woman

I’m afraid that my years of dealing with love and relationships have really tarnished my morals.

When I was a young girl, I thought that a man I loved and wanted would love and want me enough to marry me, and we would live happily ever after.

Those of you who know me know how well that turned out.

Nevertheless, I do have some personal ethics.

I will not mess with a man who’s the husband or boyfriend of a good female friend.

I will not deliberately go after a married man, in general. If the couple seems happy with each other – why would I want to hurt people who haven’t hurt me? I don’t want that. Nor do I want the hassles and stress that would come with being the OW, if it was a decent marriage that I butted in to.

OTOH, if a man who was already unhappily married started up with me – and if I found I both liked him AND found him attractive – and he wasn’t involved with a female friend of mine – I would be likely to go for it.

In the real world, people fall out of love with their mates, and fall in love with somebody else. Marriage is an attempt to prevent that. I think it’s like middle school kids getting upset because their BF or GF broke up with them. I think very few loves are permanent.

I’m not saying that a permanent love – where enough needs are met so that both people are reasonably happy – is impossible. I think it’s probably rare – but I’m enough of an optimist and romantic to believe it’s possible.

But not common. And that goes back to what I said before: it’s probably more normal to break up and find new partners than it is to happily stay together for life. Does “till death do us part” mean murder, or suicide?


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Born, went to school, went to work, will die someday. Fluent in English, sarcasm, and profanity. Open-minded skeptic, INTP in the Myers-Briggs, 5-Investigator (or Observer) in the Enneagram, Sagittarius in astrology, Pitta/Kapha in the Ayurvedic system. Likes: Music, books, reading, paid time off from work. Dislikes: Authoritarians, micromanagement, illogic, and asparagus.

One thought on “To be or not to be…the Other Woman”

  1. I do think your thoughts are completely true and highly accurate. It’s a rare couple who can stay together forever and maintain the kind of love and romance and connection that makes it an enduring and meaningful relationship. A lot of people stay together, but sometimes pieces are missing. Hence the prevalence of affairs.

    Liked by 1 person

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