Ten Things I’ll Never Do Again

1 – Get married.

2 – Move in with a guy. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and we can’t miss each other if we’re never apart.

3 – Promise to be monogamous.

No, I take that back. If I’m enough in love, I won’t want anybody else. If I’m enough in love, it will hurt if my man wants someone else.

So, I’ll amend that. I’ll never again promise to be monogamous without putting in a clause that says the agreement will be revisited in the future, and can be changed.

4 – Make my hair either straighter or more curly than it is naturally. Its natural state is sort of in-between – wavy, I guess. I’m going to stop fighting with my hair’s texture. (But not with its color or style. I get so bored with my hair.)

5 – Move to a place, unless I’m sure I really like it and really want to live there.

When I was a kid, I didn’t have any choice in the matter – I had to go wherever my parents wanted to live. As an adult, I’ve lived in places because of men.

When do I get to pick where I’m going to live?

An old drunk guy once gave me a very good piece of advice: “First, decide where you want to be. Then, decide what you want to do. Then, decide who you want to be with.”

In vino veritas. (Or in his case, in beero veritas.) I’ve been doing it ass backwards all my life. Next time any possibility of moving comes up, I’m going to stand up for what I want.

6 – Carry a balance of more than $5000 US on my credit card.

I’m working on this one, OK? I’m not far from that goal.

7 – Let my exercise routine lapse for more than a week.

I don’t really like exercising, but I usually do it. Two reasons: 1) I’m vain about my appearance and 2) arthritis and osteoporosis run in my family, and I’d like to preserve my joints and bones.

8 – Buy a brand new car.

They lose a lot of the value the minute you drive them off the lot. I bought my present car new because I had my heart set on a MINI Cooper, and at that time there weren’t that many used ones around – and my old car was a POS that needed to be replaced ASAP. But next time, I’m going for a good used car and save money. I’ll bring a guy with me so I’ll be less likely to be ripped off.

9 – Accept a job offer without asking to see my future work space first. I’ve had some god-awful seating at my various places of employment.

10 – Let my passport expire, after the time period where you can do the whole renewal by mail. If you do, you have to make an appointment to be questioned by a representative of the U.S. government.

That wouldn’t be so bad, except you have to take time off from work and pay an extra fee. And if you were born overseas, like I was, you need to bring all the paperwork pertaining to that with you. They send it to D.C. along with your passport application. I was nervous about letting those important documents out of my possession. (I did get them back. But still.)

Posted by SmartKat at 08:39 on May 11th, 2013 at 8:39AM

2 Comments

harveyspecter

Posted on 11:10AM on May 13th, 2013
I really enjoy your blog posts, if you couldn’t tell. I enjoy learning about the real
you. If it’s ok, I’m going to comment on some specific things later.

SmartKat

Posted on 12:06PM on May 13th, 2013
Sure – go right ahead. I’d like to hear what you think.

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SmartKat

Born, went to school, went to work, will die someday. Fluent in English, sarcasm, and profanity. Open-minded skeptic, INTP in the Myers-Briggs, 5-Investigator (or Observer) in the Enneagram, Sagittarius in astrology, Pitta/Kapha in the Ayurvedic system. Likes: Music, books, reading, paid time off from work. Dislikes: Authoritarians, micromanagement, illogic, and asparagus.

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