I pruned my friends list.

If you got pruned, try not to feel bad. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you. I like most people (at least, at first.) Some of the reasons for the pruning:

1 – I answered a question today (“What’s your agenda here?”) and it made me realize that I no longer have the same agenda as when I first came to EP.

At that time, I was hurt, angry, and felt like I was going crazy. I wanted to know if I was still attractive. I wanted to know if I could say some of the things I really think – would people run screaming, or laugh at me, or shame me?

And I found out that some people still think I’m attractive, and that some people aren’t put off by my dark, crazy side.

And as a result, I feel a lot better, and my behavior has changed. The dark, crazy side, having been comforted, is now more willing to let my civilized side take charge more often.

(Don’t worry – Dark & Crazy is still there! I’m like an Edwardian aristocrat’s mistress – discreet in public, and, um, interesting in private. I would have been good at being an Edwardian aristocrat’s mistress. Or for that matter, a female Edwardian aristocrat. They got up to a lot of mischief themselves. It was more like discreet serial monogamy than outright sluttery. I think I could do that.)

Oh, and my agenda? I didn’t know I had to have one. I’m just going to see how it goes.

2 – The question of who really is a friend. You might not be a close friend if…

….I haven’t heard from you in a long time.

….We just don’t really click.

….You only wanted pervy stuff from me. Yes, I do pervy, but (usually) with only one person at a time. And I have so much more to offer, in addition to pervy. If we can’t connect and have a good conversation about something other than sex – I probably like you, but we’re not really friends.

3 – If you can’t spell, punctuate, capitalize, use grammar correctly, and at least write somewhat well – call me picky, call me a snob, but I hate that.

Especially from people in my own age group, who would have learned that stuff before the internet came along. If you’re 20 years old, you have an excuse for writing “OMG!!! u r SO hott!!” (Although it still makes me cringe.) If you’re in your 40s or older…no. Just no.

In my own defense, I work in an occupation where writing well and using conventional correct English matters. It’s about the only thing I’m really good at (that I’m willing to take payment for), so cut my some slack for being picky about people’s writing.

OK? Is everything copacetic?

Posted by SmartKat at 10:22 on April 25th, 2013 at 10:22AM


Posted on 06:42AM on Apr 29th, 2013
Yes This indeed is in order,…… and I enjoy reading your posts especially the 10
word stories cheers a


Posted on 10:48AM on Apr 30th, 2013
Very well said. I like the explanation of your evolution here. Makes perfect sense. I’m glad I’m still around, but would perfectly understand if I didn’t make the cut some day.


Posted on 12:25PM on Apr 30th, 2013
Harvey, you’re one of the smartest people here. You’re too cool to get cut! ūüôā


Good fiction books about women

This is by no means a complete or definitive list – just some of my favorite fiction books that really explore what it is to be female. Also, I left out some of the obvious ones that everybody picks, like “Waiting to Exhale” by Terry McMillan, or “Circle of Friends” by Maeve Binchy¬† – because everybody already knows about them.

And When She Was Good – Laura Lippman
The Bonesetter’s Daughter – Amy Tan
The Robber Bride – Margaret Atwood
The Water’s Lovely – Ruth Rendell (and so many more of hers as well)
The Saturday Wife – Naomi Ragen
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest – Stieg Larsson
Little Children – Tom Perrotta
Island Beneath the Sea – Isabel Allende

Oddly enough, I don’t read a lot of chick lit.¬† I read mostly mysteries and thrillers.¬† But if I can identify strongly with a character in a book (and since I’m female, I would tend to identify with female characters), I never forget the book.

I’ll add more as I think of them.

Posted by SmartKat at 22:07 on March 27th, 2013 at 10:07PM


Posted on 10:53AM on Mar 29th, 2013
I like your list. I enjoyed Circle of Friends quite a bit. Is there any book on the list
that you’d recommend over the others for a man to read?


Posted on 02:47PM on Mar 29th, 2013
Little Children or The Water’s Lovely.


Posted on 02:55PM on Mar 29th, 2013
Excellent. I’ll put them on library hold. Have a lovely weekend.


Posted on 10:39AM on Jan 17th, 2014
Angela’s Ashes – Frank McCourt


Posted on 12:06AM on Jan 30th, 2014
And the girl who played with fire, And you know the mother of the other two:
Dragon Tatoo, Thanks for the heart.


Sex and Love in the Postmodern U.S.

Everybody is still just as confused as ever.

In the 50s, there was this icky-innocent atmosphere.¬† Girls who wanted and liked sex were considered bad, so nobody would admit to it.¬† Then in the 60s, the sexual revolution came along, and all of a sudden everybody was supposed to want it all the time and enjoy it every time.¬† People who, for whatever reason, weren’t enjoying it, wouldn’t admit it.

Then the 80s came along, and between AIDS and the right-wing ruination of life in general, sex got just plain weird.¬† I was a teen then, and the adults were trying to paint that 1950s varnish back over us.¬† But if you paint varnish on something, you need to wipe it off first.¬† We still had all those sex-positive messages we’d absorbed as little kids in the 70s, before puberty hit.¬† Even in my own family, the messages changed almost overnight.¬† One day it was, “I hope you’ll enjoy sex when you grow up,” and the next day, sex was never even mentioned.

Considering when I grew up and went through puberty and formed my own sexuality, it’s no wonder I’m confused and feeling a little crazy.

Originally posted by SmartKat at 14:42 on January 27th, 2013 at 2:42PM


Posted on 12:55PM on Jan 28th, 2013
Yes I experienced the same things you did.Had a dad that first tried scaring me about sex,then wanted us boys to go get all we could then decided not to encourage anything to these days finding myself wanting to explore again.Confusing times.


Posted on 01:26PM on Jan 28th, 2013
Well, if you read some of my stories – I think my sexualization was a bit skewed. But I managed to make the best of it! [g]


Posted on 01:37PM on Jan 28th, 2013
Ah yes I have been reading your stories,I would enjoy sharing a story of mine with you too.


Posted on 02:13PM on Mar 15th, 2013
This is an interesting commentary. You bring up some great points. I’m the same age as you and I never got the sex talk until I was 18 and headed for college.

A bit late by then. I had had sex at 15.


Posted on 07:50AM on Mar 18th, 2013
That once again is an interesting view point , and then sometimes I wonder what ¬†a lot of people claim to be doing it is actually happening for you to feel the way you feel or there are many who are in the same boat, but do not show or acknowledge that they are,……

I for one have enjoyed what I get and when I don’t get enough there is of course ¬†the mind and ones own hand that helps keep sanity ,…..

But then going thru long periods of not getting it and then getting it regularly ¬†followed by a few months of drought and then again some good moments of cloud and rain, with the same partner is different from not getting it altogether for several years,….